Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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