I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
