when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
