The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
