sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
