Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
