He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
