i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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