Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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