the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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