I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
