It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize