Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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