some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
