enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
