If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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