Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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