I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
