there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
