I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
