chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
