Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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