so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
