No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
