Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
