is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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