after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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