If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i barfeds in our rink
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am one with the molecules
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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