We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
