he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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