we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
