You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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