I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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