you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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