These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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