she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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