So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
