I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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