i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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