I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
