My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
