and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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