Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
