This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
