ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
