I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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