The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
