did you get engaged???
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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