let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
