I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
