Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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