And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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