forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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