This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
