Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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