so that wasnt chicken after all
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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