There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
