if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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