Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
