Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
