when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
