I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
