What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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