Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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