Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
