I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
