I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
