i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
