You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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