he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
