This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
