Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
