Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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