i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
