meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
