i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
