Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
