happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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